How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
4 words: hood of his car
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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