I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
