yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
