Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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