I have demons in me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
