Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
