yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
