I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am available for nakedness
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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