Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
as a side note pls kill me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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