take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
