how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
