he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
