I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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