Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
