Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
