you guys were way drunker than both of me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
