you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
