Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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