He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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