Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
