I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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