what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
