he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
