Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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