Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So here I am, sexting at work.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
