$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
