Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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