I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
