You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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