Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
