I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
