The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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