We're facebook friends in real life
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize