Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Randomize
