Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
