Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
