The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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