I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
