No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
