I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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