So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
