ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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