Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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