it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
