i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
