I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
