And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
