Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
