Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
