ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
