i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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