does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
