How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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