So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
