Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
