i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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