I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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