Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
