I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
