Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
