Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
